Ben Hitimana

I met Ben as a colleague, as we were both working on some police Cyber Security training events. I learnt so much from him, and we quickly became great friends. Ben inspires me so much, and has overcome more in his life than most. He is so successful in his career, and has such a positive impact on everyone that gets to meet him.

‘My name is Ben, I am 23, working in cyber security and I was diagnosed as autistic in June 2020 as I finished uni.

Looking back, its obvious to me now how much I masked my autistic traits throughout my life. My family came here as refugees from Rwanda and the genocide and the complexities thereafter shadowed much of my childhood and life, it wasn’t spoken about often, but it was always there in the undercurrent of the stories people would tell me of home. With all that for my family to deal with, masking was common. It is part of the culture to some extent, it informed how we engage with the world; it was our protection.

There is great power I think in being able to give language to an experience, and that’s what my diagnosis did for me. It was the answer to a lifetime of questions I always had, but couldn’t articulate why university was so hard even though I have always done fine academically, why family gatherings were so draining, and this lingering feeling I’ve had of always feeling different. I felt like I finally had permission to fully be myself, and it definitely was no easy road. I eventually chose to go private after being rejected by the GP, eventually accessing services through cognitive behavioural therapy at the time, then covid hit, lockdown came and after paying over 800 pounds I got it.

If there is one thing I am slowly learning since my diagnosis, its to enjoy the journey I am on. I thankfully managed to land a career in one of my many special interests and its been an amazing journey overall, as I learn to unmask and grow more confident in myself. I still struggle and have bad days, but I am so much further forward and I know I have a lot to look forward too and a lot to discover.

Until I got diagnosed, autism and neurodiversity wasn’t even considered in my culture and I definitely didn’t fit conventional views of what autism looked like. Now, there is growing awareness of the different ways autism manifests, and how diverse the autism spectrum really is; my experiences give me a unique perspective and its something I take pride in and I can only hope to continue learning from others, and they can learn from me.’